In a recent survey of women aged 18 to 75, 65% revealed they started dating within the first year of being separated or divorced. However, divorced parents typically need some time to get used to their custody schedule. Forming habits takes time. You could be setting yourself up for disaster if you keep filling your schedule without taking time to become familiar with it. Juggling dating with your custody schedule is risky, and rebound relationships also carry risks.
The children come first
In 2023, 88% of mothers and 85% of fathers said being a parent was one of the most essential aspects of who they were as people. 35% of mothers said it was the most important aspect, compared to 24% of fathers.
71% of mothers said they did more when it came to managing children’s schedules and activities, and 72% said they played a bigger role in providing emotional support. They also said parenting turned out to be harder than expected. 54% and 59% of mothers who believed their partner or spouse did their share shared the sentiment about parenting challenges.
After separation or divorce, the mother is likely to have even more on her plate. You should arrange dating plans around school, extracurricular activities, and other commitments.
All single parents should be clear with their dates that their children come first to avoid misunderstandings. If evenings are too challenging, you might consider lunchtime or daytime dates when the children are in school.
Plan in advance
Arrange for a babysitter or family member well in advance of your date. This ensures you’re not scrambling for care at the last minute. As for longer-term planning, there’s a general agreement that 6-12 months is a reasonable time to wait before introducing a prospective partner to children. After six months, it’s usually hard to hide any underlying red flags.
Try to prepare for different scenarios, such as bringing a date to a custody pick-up or drop-off. There’s an additional challenge if your ex expresses concern about your new partner’s background and about the safety of the children.
Hold your dates up to high standards
Biases exist, and one effect is that single mothers are 40% less likely to find a long-term partner after divorce than divorced women without children. The number of single fathers who re-partner is also higher.
You may be emotionally mature and stronger after divorce, but this isn’t necessarily true for the people you date. A lot of people move from marriage directly into new relationships without doing the self-reflection needed to be a viable partner. Vet potential dates carefully, especially if you match online. Recognize red flags, like someone getting irritated when you don’t reply to a text at once.
Rigorous screening means that if the relationship doesn’t work out, it will end with little or no drama.
FAQ
How do you date someone with a child?
Respect the co-parenting relationship
Communication is key
Be patient
Avoid rushing
Get to know the child
Maintain your independence
Show affection and patience
Plan child-friendly activities
How do you date as a full-time parent?
Don’t talk about your children excessively on the first few dates. The person is there to get to know you, and baby pics are unacceptable, even though you and your children are a package deal. Focus on having fun, as not every date will lead to something serious.