Supporting a friend when their loved one is in hospice is one of those moments where words can feel inadequate, and finding the right way to help might seem overwhelming. It’s tough, but it’s also an opportunity to show up in a meaningful way. If you’re wondering how to be there for your friend, here’s a guide with some ideas on how to offer comfort, compassion, and care during a challenging time.
Listen, Don’t Fix
Sometimes, the best support is simply being present. When a friend’s family member is in hospice, they often need a space to vent, cry, or simply feel heard. Resist the urge to offer solutions; instead, just listen. Whether they’re sharing memories, expressing fears, or just talking about their day, being a non-judgmental listener is invaluable.
In these situations, your friend might feel torn between their responsibilities—caring for their own family while supporting an aging parent or loved one. They might be part of the Sandwich Generation, caught between caring for their children and parents simultaneously. Understanding the weight of this responsibility and being there to listen can be a powerful way to support them. Offer them that space, free of judgment, where they can express whatever they’re feeling without pressure.
Offer Practical Help
When someone’s managing the emotions and logistics of hospice care, day-to-day responsibilities can feel overwhelming. Offering practical support can go a long way. Think about what might genuinely lighten their load—bring over a home-cooked meal, offer to babysit their kids, or take their dog for a walk.
Sometimes, even running simple errands like grocery shopping, picking up medications, or getting their car serviced can be a huge help. If they seem overwhelmed but hesitant to accept help, frame it as a way for you to spend time with them—grab groceries together or cook at their house while they take a moment for themselves. The goal is to make their life easier so they can focus on what really matters.
Respect Their Space, But Stay Connected
While it’s important to offer support, respecting boundaries is equally crucial. Your friend may have moments when they need space to process their feelings privately. Respect that time and avoid taking it personally. Let them know you’re there when they’re ready to talk or need support.
Staying connected without overwhelming them can be as simple as sending an occasional text or leaving a small care package at their door. Remind them that you’re thinking of them, but don’t pressure them to respond immediately. A quick message like “Just wanted you to know I’m here if you need anything” or “No need to reply—just thinking about you today” lets them know they’re not alone while giving them the freedom to reach out when they’re ready.
Acknowledge the Emotional Rollercoaster
Your friend may experience a mix of emotions—relief, sadness, guilt, and even gratitude for the time they’ve had with their loved one. Hospice care often brings complex feelings, and there’s no “right” way to process them. Acknowledge that this is a time of ups and downs and that it’s okay for them to feel all of it.
Encouraging them to express their emotions in a safe space is essential. If they find solace in journaling, art, or even a walk in the park, encourage those activities. Offer to join them or give them the time they need alone, whichever they prefer. Remind them that grief is personal and it’s perfectly okay to feel a wide range of emotions on the same day.
Help Them Find Resources
The logistical side of hospice care can be daunting. Your friend might need help researching services, understanding what hospice entails, or figuring out how to support their loved one’s comfort. Whether you’re looking for hospice care in Utah, Virginia, or another state, helping them find the right resources is a meaningful way to support them. This can include recommending local support groups, arranging consultations with hospice providers, or finding online communities where they can connect with others in similar situations.
The most important part is to provide these resources in a way that feels supportive, not overwhelming. Ask if they’re interested in any information and offer to do some of the research or call for them if that’s helpful. This section stands out because knowing they
have someone willing to help navigate these waters can offer them a deep sense of relief.
Be There After the Hospice Care Ends
Often, the hardest part comes after the passing of a loved one. It’s easy to be present during the immediate crisis, but showing up in the weeks and months that follow can make all the difference. Grief doesn’t end after the memorial service—it’s a process that takes time, and having a friend who continues to offer support long after others have moved on can be incredibly comforting.
Reach out regularly, invite them for a walk, or suggest a simple coffee meetup. They may still need someone to talk to, cry with, or laugh with when they start recalling fond memories. Letting them know you’re there for the long haul shows a deep level of care and support.
Wrapping Up
Supporting a friend when their loved one is in hospice can be challenging, but it’s also an opportunity to be a source of strength and comfort during a critical time. By being present, offering practical help, and showing up even after the immediate crisis, you’re demonstrating what it truly means to be a friend. Sometimes, the smallest gestures of kindness can have the most significant impact. Remember, it’s not about having the perfect words; it’s about showing up, being real, and letting your friend know you’re there—no matter what.