ABC’s The Bachelor- Week One Recap

This post contains SPOILERS.

For anyone unfamiliar with the show, there is one man, Colton who dates 30 women with several being eliminated each week. Colton is a 30-something virgin, ex-football player. The show generally ends with a marriage proposal. The series has a seriously low success rate of actual marriages. I think the current stats are 3 bachelor’s out of 21 seasons. I watch as a laugh at them not with them type of viewer. As a single mom weekday hangouts outside of my house can be challenging to schedule so I host a weekly viewing party. Other moms can bring their kids and we come up with weekly theme snacks.

Disclaimer: Do NOT drink when someone mentions virginity. Seriously, you will die. 90’s mammas do you remember when Enrique Iglesias used to say he was a virgin? He would tell reporters that it would make more innocent girls feel more comfortable and wilder girls try harder to corrupt him. I feel like Colton’s virginity fits somewhere in the same vain. He seems a bit insincere to me but full disclosure I was on Team Blake to be this years bachelor. For anyone who is truly a virgin I feel like The Bachelor makes it seem like you shouldn’t be the butt of a joke.

Week one, the ladies have to aim to make themselves memorable. He has frenemies/ Miss America contestants Hannah and Caelynn. Heather  who has never been kissed before. Demi is the country girl, who has never been in a serious relationship, and has a mom in prison. Alex D came dressed like a sloth. Tracy rolled up in a cop car to be the fashion police and gifted Colton hand-cuffs. Alex B is rescues dogs and lives in Vancouver, BC. Bri is a model who faked an Australian accent. Catherine brought her 10-year-old daughter/ pet Pomeranian Lucy to the house to live with Colton for the duration of her stay.

After the 30 women arrive Colton enters the cocktail party to try to get to know everyone better. One women will receive a “first impression” rose. I imagine he would have to be wearing an ear piece to remember everyone’s names. Once in the house, Colton, barely finished his welcome to this journey blurb before Demi stole him away for alone time. The women seemed shocked like they had never seen the last 20 seasons of the show to see every single cocktail party start the same way. Instead of forming a single file line to ensure that everyone got their time with Colton, the cocktail parties are an aggressive game of tag with everyone trying to steal him away from the next. Catherine must have broke the Guinness Book of Records for being the contestant who interrupted the most. She managed to score Colton 4 separate times, much to the other women’s dismay. Onyeka tried to reason with Catherine that she may be unnecessarily ruffling feathers which lead Catherine to interrupt another women’s alone time to get more of her own. Time will tell if Catherine is this season’s villain or just a bit desperate for Colton time. Onyeka decided to give Catherine a taste of her own medicine and interrupted her by wearing a snorkel and blowing a whistle to save Colton.

Colton gave his first impression rose to Hannah G, a 23-year-old content creator.

Jimmy Kimmel’s wife Molly McNearney is a Bachelor superfan. She has successfully guessed the winners for five out of the last six seasons of the Bachelor. Her picks on final four are: Cassie, Katie, Caelynn and Hannah G. Her pick to win is Cassie.

Colton ended the evening by narrowing down the selection of ladies from 30 to 22. The ladies moving to the next week are: Caelynn, Katie, Hannah B, Alex B, Onyeka, Caitlyn, Annie, Kirpa, Heather, Elyse, Asia, Courtney, Cassie, Demi, Nina, Erica, Sydney, Bri, Angelique, Tracy, Nicole and Catherine.

The Bachelor airs Monday’s at ABC.

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