You Conquered Christmas
T’was the day before Christmas Eve and you should be feeling amazing!
Presents bought, wrapped and tucked under the tree. Lights twinkling. Cards mailed and received. Litres of eggnog downed. Santa pictures snapped. Cookies crumbled and devoured. You have conquered Christmas and I am so very proud of you. (If you are still shopping at the drugstore right now, I’m still very proud.)
This is your time. It doesn’t say it on any calendar I can download and print for free, but December 23rd is the unofficial Mom Phones It In Day. You need to collect yourself and charge your batteries for the next few days of mayhem.
If you have grandparents and single friends you can pawn your kids off onto, bonus points for you. If you don’t, here’s three ways to keep those little hands and heads busy while you get lost in a mug of ‘nog and celebrity Instagram feeds.
Take all the pipe cleaners, googly eyes, glue sticks, paints, construction paper, felts, glitter, string and stickers and plop them down onto an easily wiped surface. Announce dramatically that you just got an email from Santa that he needs help decorating his workshop. Let them futz around and make the worst mess possible while they create the ugliest nonsense possible. You should get at least an hour free to yourself as they glue their hands to their heads.
Sweets for your Sweets
When I was a chubby kid I highly anticipated making sugar cookies with my Dad’s parents every December. I am proof that raw eggs cannot take down a kid because I ate so much raw dough that I only ended up with like 4 baked cookies to decorate. Since I am now unable to eat wheat and, remember this is supposed to be easy, we’re doing this sweet distraction store-bought style.
Buy a tube of pre-made Pillsbury cookie dough and after you pop it open and scare the living sh-t out of yourself, let them place the cookies on the sheets while you make a giant bowl of easy icing (icing sugar, softened butter, milk and food colouring).
Once the cookies cool, lay out the icing, any sprinkles, nuts and small candies in the pantry, and let them go crazy. Half will end up in their guts before they even have time to show you their handiwork. This should buy you enough time for a bath or a hearty multi-friend text convo about the new Beyonce album.
Pick a Flick
This last option does involve you being near to the kids, but it’s not challenging and you can still have one hand free for mulled wine. Get the biggest coziest blankie in the house, let them choose their favourite holiday movies, and become a warm mess of bodies on the couch for a few hours. Make sure snacks and drinks are in reach and you can probably get away with nodding off for at least 45 minutes before they realize you’re not conscious.
If they fall in love with a particular movie, you were totally parenting while asleep AND you started a Christmas tradition.
Now there’s a modern day Christmas miracle.
Brooke Takhar is a mama of one monkey, based out of Vancouver, BC. She blogs about the trials and triumphs of parenting at missteenussr.com. When she’s not obsessing about her lack of DIY skills and exotic face creams, she shares her life and loves via Facebook, Twitter & Instagram.